Rearview Mirrors

First thing I have to say, I love my DramaDaddy. He always has the best comments for my posts and sometimes they are so sweet that they make me want to cry, especially when he put the lyrics to that Green Day song that I'm sure everyone knows.

He did make a very valid point about driving forward through life and not looking through the rearview mirror the whole time.

We always need to be aware of the present and all the experiences we can have if we notice the people and the places around us. This is sometimes hard to think about if you're always thinking "this is the last time I'll ever do this" or "I'm really going to miss this". What we should be doing is collecting new things from all around us and enjoying the stuff we have yet to experience.

True, it's nice to keep some stuff in the rearview mirror and look back sometimes on what once was. These are the things we save forever and pull out during the really bad times or even the really good ones. These are the places where we find the most comfort and the strength it takes to carry on.

But we have to remember to continue on through the journey. If you keep looking back, you'll eventually crash in the present and there's no going back without the car. If you can keep the present, you can also keep the past. You can keep it right where it should be so that you can always come back to it in the future.

Sure the past shaped who you are, but who you are and what you do NOW shapes who you will become. You don't want to stay the same, there's always room for growth and self-improvement, no matter who you are.

Random Monday Morning

So last night was the Senior Dinner for my youth group and it made me very sad to think about not seeing these same people almost every Sunday. They're like an extension of my family and leaving them behind is going to be just as hard as leaving my family behind. I learned so much about others and myself during my four years there and I will never forget all the memories I made with them.

Two of my siblings celebrated birthdays in the three days that I haven't posted and I want to give a shout out to them. (I suppose I give a lot of shout outs now.)

Cecilia: My beautiful sister, I hope that sixteen treats you better than it treated me. I hope it is a year that you remember for the good times you had and the great company you kept. Keep on singing and being the most awesome little sister I know.

Matt: You are now seventeen and as such I expect a great deal of things from you. Not really. I encourage you to enjoy your last year as a child as you go through senior year.

Today my friend Mary is coming over and I am very thrilled to see her because this may very well be the last time I see her before I leave for school. I bought popsicles specifically for this situation and I can't wait to talk with her and generally goof around. We are the kind of people that can make anything fun, even math which we had together for two years. We also befriended a piece of wood named Jameison. Speaking of which, I should have him ready for her arrival.

It's NOT an Angst Blog

Is it bad that the only reason I'm able to type an entry is because I am not able to write anything else? I've been looking at some of my story ideas and I have no idea where I want them to go. Also, I am writing letters for the core team members of my youth group and I'm stuck on those as well. This is just horrible.

Today my friend got back from Florida and I got to spend some time with her, which is always fun especially because she's basically another little sister. We laughed about a lot of things and she's still being really sweet about the guy thing. I told her not to worry about it though because, in all honesty, I'll get over it eventually and I'll move on to other guys. He's going to be here, and I won't. Enough of that though because this isn't an angst blog and it was never meant to be one.

I'm having a lot of difficulty deciding which of my books I will take to school with me and it's not getting any easier. I wish I could take them all with me, but I suppose I'll just stick to fifteen. Does that seem like a reasonable number?

Also, I wanted to give a shout out to my daddy! (http://www.dramadaddy.blogspot.com) He is the only one who comments on my posts and I think he's really cool and stuff. Congrats on your job, Dad!

Friends are the Best

Have you guys searched for your inner confidence? Have you stuck up for yourself today like we talked about? I did...well sort of. Last night I talked to my friend and asked her how much she liked my other friend. She wouldn't answer until I told her why I'd asked, which as you all know is because I like him as well. And she does like him. A lot. So I decided to back off.

But she wasn't angry that I liked him at all. In fact, she asked me if I was ok with the fact that she was going to date him. I told her that it was absolutely fine with me, which is true...or it will be eventually. As I said last night, if they're happy, I have no right to keep them from each other.

It always touches me when I realize how much my friends really care. Sure, there are some people that I won't talk to much ever again, but there are those amazing and special few that I know will always be with me. They say all the right things and they sometimes say something beyond what you ever expected that will always stay with you.

I hope each and every one of you has at least one friend like that. Someone that would put his/her own happiness aside if it meant hurting you.

Needless to say, I made a playlist of songs that are kind of sad, but some of them are filled with immense hope and passion. I listened to it all last night and all today.

Until tomorrow, or whenever I post next.

My Inner Eva

I bet all of you were under the impression that you were going to get an entry every day last week...and I know that's because I told you it would happen. I'm sorry, but I didn't even get online Saturday through Tuesday and by then I was too involved with family time that I could never stay away long enough to write an entry.

I also know that most of my blogs lately haven't had a theme to them other than my daily life, and I really don't want that to be my sole reason of having a blog. Sure I want to rant and rave about myself, but I also want to try and have meaning in these paragraphs.

As some of you might know, I am not very good at confronting other people. This was proven a few weeks ago when one of my friends started yelling at me in her car and I just sat there and didn't say anything. Then it was proven again when the same friend texted me wanting to hang out and I accepted even though she'd done me wrong. I know she'd hurt me, and she acts like nothing happened, but do I tell her that I'm still angry? No, I act as though nothing has happened as well. I suppose I'm not very good at sticking up for myself.

But I really want to change that. I think there might be a way to do that, but it's not going to be easy. It involves telling someone that I possibly like him again and asking my friend if she really likes him. I would never do anything if I knew she really liked him though because I'm really good friends with the both of them and if they make each other happy, who am I to get into the middle of it. It actually feels really good to get this off of my chest. Sorry if today was all about me, but maybe you all learned to stick up for yourselves as well.

Special Thanks To: Kate Brian, author of The V Club. Without rereading this book I wouldn't have remembered my inner Eva. All she needed was to stick up for herself, and so do I.

The Denial Twist

This blog is going to be all over the place today because I’m going to be making some of it in the car. Aren’t you happy for the moving blog? I am. I love vacation, all parts of it. It means time away from the stresses of everyday life and lets me spend time with my family. Sure, they’re nuts, but so am I. They put up with me better than most people and I love them for it.

We keep passing my cousins’ car. I believe it’s an ongoing joke, to pass each other and wave. We have all these crazy little traditions that are carried out throughout vacation. One that we started a few years ago is making fun of my mom for saying that the trees in other states were “different”. I just did this, and it’s still funny. Another thing we do, well the girls around my age, is have Magical Nights in the room we have in Gulf Shores. There are no better times than those nights. One of the things the families do as well is we take turns making dinner for everyone. This is always good because most of my family is wonderful at cooking and I take full advantage of it.

We're at the Embassy Suites now, so I'll wrap this one up. See you tomorrow.

"Find Yourself" = Worst Saying Ever

Tomorrow I embark on another family vacation. I know that I haven't put up an entry in a while, but I'm hoping to change that.

It's funny because I just got finished reading a book (Ever After by Rachel Vail) and it was written like a journal. I thought "I wish I had a journal". Then I remembered, "I have a blog! Isn't that what it's her for?" I'm pretty much ridiculous. I have been doing a whole lot of other writing though, so that is a plus. Did I mention that this is my first post from my laptop? Yay, I have a laptop!!!

There are many things that I have been thinking about lately, and one of them is friends. Sometimes I think about my friends and wonder if they actually like me or if they just tolerate me because they feel sorry for me. I suppose this is because of a recent interaction with one of my friends in which she yelled at me for no reason and hasn't talked to me since. Am I too nice?

Sometimes I feel like I do things just to make people happy. I mean, I go along with what people say and I feel sort of fake. Not with everyone, but there are those people who make me feel as though I can't be myself without looking like a complete fool.

I will explore further into this as my vacation progresses. I guess I could use this trip as a time to find myself. Damn, I swore I would never say that. Like I was looking for me. Ha, how stupid is that saying? I guess I should work on that, "finding myself". I can't remember who said this but there's a quote that I love that goes: "Find out who you are and do it on purpose." Oh wait! It was Dolly Parton, I heard it in the movie, A Walk to Remember.

Well, I guess I've bored my three readers enough for today. Hopefully I'll get enough web access to post more entries while on vacation.