Oh HEY, I Still Live and it's 2:06 in the Morning

I bet you all thought I was dead. Actually, probably not since my one constant reader was in fact my father. I'm pretty sure he knows I'm still alive because we talked on the phone last week and I have been updating him on my heart rate. Which had been rather fast but is now down to a normal level. Tonight I have done lots of things, one of which was reread all of my previous posts. Yeah, it's one of those self-contemplation nights. But there is nothing wrong with that. There are actually quite a few posts from my earlier years in which I have found really awesome pieces of great information and advice. Also, there were lots of posts dealing with my endometriosis before I knew what the word was or how great of an affect it would have on my day-to-day life. OTHER THAN THAT, tonight I got to see a few of my friends I haven't been able to spend much time with this school year which was equal parts thought provoking and awesome. Thought provoking: how friendships change as we ourselves change and grow. These friends I spent time with watching Frozen have been my friends since the first month of college and have seen me at my worst and at my best. We met through the Catholic Campus Ministry of which I no longer attend due to my personal change in religious practices. This has definitely affected our friendship since the bond we had originally forged was in the fires of our shared beliefs and deep religious discussions. I know they are both still active in the Catholic community and I really respect their beliefs as well as they accept that this isn't as much a part of who I am anymore. In a different way this evening was thought provoking because the two of them, who have been extremely close, are going through a little bit of a rough patch in their friendship. One of them is graduating next month and is in a (fairly) new relationship, the first one either of them have had since becoming friends. This friend is trying to balance time with her bf, school deadlines, obligations to the Catholic center, and facing the all-to-real reality of being in "the real world" in a short amount of time. The other friend is facing some of these same situations but is also wanting to have the same amount and quality of time with the friend as they had kept prior. These conflicts, as well as the growth and change which comes with all of these situations is causing a strain which neither knows if it will be a growing apart or a growing together. And this is difficult. Being in a room with them without having been there for most of this strain was surreal to me since they were trying to act as if it were old times while this strain was apparent. And still, it was amazing to see them. I miss living within walking distance from the two and falling back into old jokes was great while the time lasted. Spending time with them is great and makes me a little nostalgic for the days when we had so much in common and the strong ties of common beliefs and practices holding us together. I really love them and the support which I receive from them even if they don't always agree with my current practices. Jeez, this post is long and I have barely touched the time I have spent between that last ill-fated blog post and now. One thing I can tell you for sure, I do not drink irresponsibly anymore. I am still grappling with endometriosis and related difficulties, but am planning on getting most of that taken care of in June when I am having a presacral neurectomy. This is medical jargon for having nerve tissue interrupted so I will no longer have feeling in that area which is equal parts hopeful-making and nerve wracking. I hope this will get rid of the pain once and for all, but I hope it will not get rid of ALL feeling there. Well, this has been Hallie, and I will be making more of an effort to post again soon.