Self-Discovery, Word by Word: Enough

Yesterday, my amazing cousin of awesomesauce, MMax, kicked off a blogging carnival where the participants have to center their posts around the word "enough". This is a very easy word for me to talk about because, as it is mentioned here , I have a tattoo that uses that word in a way in which I, and my grandma before me, believe it to hold the most power.

That is when talking about giving ENOUGH to God.

Now sure, she didn't have it tattooed, but she said the words "Let it be enough," every night before she fell asleep to make sure God knew that everything she had done that day was for Him and she hoped that it was enough.

With her words printed on my shoulder, I too am trying to show God that I want, not only everything I do, but everything I am to be enough. And believe it or not, I find myself being a better person when I think about who I am being a symbol of what I want to be for God.

So there you have it. If you want to participate in this blogging carnival, please click the link above.

A Drama Birthday.

The 3rd of July is a very special day for someone very special to me. It is my dad, DramaDaddy's birthday! Now, he might be getting old, but despite that fact he is still pretty groovy. (Yeah, I said groovy. What are you gonna do about it?)

My dad is one of the only people who reads my stories and gives me constructive criticism. I remember him coming over and we went through some of our stories together, it was super. My dad looks at all my blog posts too. I think he is probably the only one who has read them lately, and to be honest, that is fine by me. :)

I don't get to see him every day, or even every week, but when I see him it is extra special. I think if we spend dubious amounts of time with one person they begin to get on our nerves. This is why I still like my dad...JUST KIDDING!

So on this day, July 3, he embarks on one of the biggest years of his life. Not only will he be getting all new teeth, but he will also be starting his first year at university. Since I have just completed my first year I will be glad to give him any advice he might have...haha. But in all seriousness, I am very proud of him for doing this. I know he has been looking forward to it for a long time and now it has come to fruition.

Good luck this year, DD! Hope it is awesome. And you never know, you might even become a grandpa this year...scary thought, right? But at least she's married. :P

LOVE YOU, DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Number One on Fathers' Day

I am doing this post DramaDaddy style. That is to say, I am putting up a video of a song. This one is a little out there, just like my old man. (You know I mean it in the best sense.) This guy, Craig Benzine has always sort of reminded me of my dad in the way of his videos and his humor. Sometimes I think if my dad were paid to make YouTube videos his would look something like Wheezywaiter's. Maybe I'm wrong.

Despite all this talking about the maker of this video, I want to tell DramaDaddy that I love him and I am super glad that he is my father for this, the day of all fathers.

Here is the Song

Summer: The Early Stages

The above picture is from my sister's wedding. Yes, this is the wedding I had been dreading since winter...yes, I did survive...Okay, it wasn't as horrible as I made it out to be in my head. I suppose the whole thing stems from experiences with my sister during times of stress, and experiences with weddings. No, I haven't been in a wedding before this, but I had been to so FREAKING many of them. The actual wedding isn't what bothers me, it is the reception. Everyone is dancing around having a grand time when they decide to play a slow song that makes all of the single people in the room feel like shit... Sure, this isn't the intent, but that's how I feel about the whole thing. Luckily I had some people to goof off with and my friend texted me to check up on how I was feeling. And that really helped me.

Another thing I have been doing this summer is pretending to be five. My cousin, Rick, and I had decided that life had been far too stressful this year and the only way to fix that was to go back to a time when we were blissfully unaware of drama. And let me tell you, eating popsicles and playing four square are good ways to avoid drama. I was over there today and we played Legos for a very long time. It was really epic. I also got a skateboard on Sunday and I am very anxious about continuing to learn how to ride it. :)

One last thing before I go, this summer I am reading memoirs. The one I am currently reading is called "The Possibility of Everything" by Hope Edelman. It is about a writer who is struggling to find something to believe in during her young daughter's illness. It is really good so far and I look forward to reading the rest of it. I have not read many memoirs in my life, so I'm hoping to get a few good ones in this summer. Who knows, I might even write a memoir someday. ;)

Emotion

I was going through some of my old Tumblr posts today. If you don't know what Tumblr is, it is sort of like a blog, but you can post just random pictures, videos, quotes, songs, .gifs, and any type of writing you want. I had a lot of writing on their the week after Nick and I broke up which really speaks to me right now.

Just so we are all clear, I am completely and totally over that douche. I don't even get anxiety when passing him anymore. This being said, he got a new haircut which makes it visually obvious that he is a douche-bag, my friend says it's because you can see his eyes. I agree.

Anyways, while I was reading some of my scathing remarks to him, I spotted a line that I absolutely loved. I had told him something about how he had strung me along for the weekend because he wanted to try and feel something. I didn’t realize it was ok to totally disregard how the other person would feel about something just because you wanted to see if you could feel anything.

The whole idea of feeling is something I change my mind about almost every single day. Sometimes I'd prefer to know that I can feel, even through pain, than be closed off to the thought and hope of something good. But other days I think about how nice it might be to feel nothing, to go through life on a breeze and have nothing stick ever.

But those are the days I have to remember that if I felt nothing, I wouldn't feel enjoyment, I wouldn't feel pleasure, I wouldn't be able to reflect on good weekends like the one I just had, with a giant grin. And that is why I choose feeling.

It might seem out of the blue to talk about feeling right now, but it really isn't. Not to me on my last week of classes. I have all of these new friends now, people I'm just starting to get to know on a deeper level, and soon I will be hours away from them. It is going to be so hard not to text some of my friends about doing things because they aren't right there anymore. But on the other hand it will be summer. I will be going back to my house and seeing all of the people I left behind nine months ago. I will get to see how much they've changed, and they will get to see how much I've changed and we'll have to discern whether or not we can live with these almost new people in our lives. Because as much as I don't see it sometimes, I have changed a whole lot during my first year of undergrad. I am no longer quite as quiet, I have new ideas and opinions on different things, I've experienced joy and heartbreak...I have become a Coming of Age Novel...

It is hard for me to write this and feel as though I'm not being too cynical, too sappy, too depressing, but I guess that's what this post is all about: emotion, feeling something. I have learned that I want to feel, that being numb is not something to be revered, but to be pitied, for those who cannot feel pain cannot feel joy. And when I feel pain or sorrow I also remember that I have felt joy, and there will be more joy to come.

The Impossible Astronaut

So this past weekend I was home for Easter...but that is not what I want to talk about.

What I want to talk about is the new episode of Doctor Who! Oh my God, there is so much to say! First things first, the beginning of the episode when Rory and Amy are at home talking and going through everyday life. It is adorable. Then the invitation comes and I have to say, those were clever.

There are many theories floating around about who the astronaut that "kills" the Doctor is, but mine is that it is Amy and Rory's daughter. That would just be something. I have heard people say it is River, but I think River kills someone else. I have also heard someone theorize that River IS Amy and Rory's daughter, but I don't think that would work very well.

The last thing I want to talk about is The Silence. Yes, the aliens are called The Silence. The whole concept of people forgetting them right after they look away is genius! It makes sense that no one has ever talked about them before and how they could be spreading everywhere unknown. I am dying as I wait for the next episode.

Many Things Have Occurred

So it has been about a month since I last posted a blog on here. I have posted blog-like things on my Tumblr, but they will all be summarized and expanded upon on this one.

First things first, I am single. Yeah, I never put up here that I wasn't single, but that's only because it was too brief of a time to blog about. It was a Tuesday when I met up with my friend Nick, I had met him once before, but it was a while ago and we'd only talked on Tumblr and Twitter. On Wednesday we took a walk around campus together, just talking and getting to know each other a little bit better. He even joined my friends and me in the dining center that night, after which he and I exchanged numbers and talked for the rest of the night via text message. Thursday we ate lunch together and in the evening I went to his room, two floors below mine, and watched Adam Sandler movies while we tried to open a mango and eat it. Then his floor decided to go get frozen yogurt and I joined them. It was going well, I mean I was starting to like him and starting to wonder if he might be my boyfriend. Then on Friday we ate dinner together, went to a performance of my local band and went to a hookah bar with his floor.

Saturday afternoon is when he asked me to be his girlfriend, during which he talked about what he wanted from a relationship, a long term relationship, some of these things I regret agreeing to even if they never came to fruition. I agreed with his desires and then we went to buy and assemble Legos. We played Legos for about two hours and parted ways for a little bit so I could hang out with one of my friends. I admit, I did talk to my friend about him almost the whole time because it was something new for me, to have a guy actually be interested in me. Then we went to dinner and spent four hours hanging out in his room. I had to go to Mass the next morning, so I left at two AM to sleep, which didn't come easily to me.

You see, when we went out Friday, which we had decided was a date, I thought about all of the reasons I liked this guy. He had great taste in music, he liked John Green books for almost the same reasons I did, he was shy like me and a good listener, he had this cute little habit of twisting his hair when he was nervous, and he bit at his lip at times, which I'd always found adorable in guys. He was a mixture of my two favorite male book characters, Dexter from This Lullaby and Will from Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac.

This brings us to Sunday. On Sunday morning I woke up, got ready, and went to Church. Afterward my friends and I went to brunch, which we do every week. After that I met Nick in his room and we went back to my room to watch The Princess Bride, one of my favorite movies and one he'd never seen before. Then after the movie was over we kissed. I have to admit, it was my first kiss. In all my nineteen years, this was the first time I had ever been kissed. He asked me if it was all that I'd expected. I hadn't really expected anything, but it was a good kiss. He also told me he didn't remember his first kiss, to which I'd told him that I would definitely remember mine. After this we went out for dinner. We parted ways when we got back and I studied for a Spanish test I had the next day. He texted me a few hours later wanting to go on a walk. I knew what this meant. He was dumping me. But I didn't know why. In the two minutes it took me to meet up with him various scenarios ran through my head. I mean, I had figured he would dump me eventually, I just didn't expect it to be so soon. And then he told me. He said he'd had this gut feeling all along that he didn't really like me that way. But he'd decided to neglect that feeling, but when we kissed he didn't feel that "spark."

On Wednesday I'd decided it was time to get over it and be friends. He agreed, and we talked for a little bit. Then he stopped replying to my messages rather abruptly. I ignored it for a while, but when almost a week had gone by I decided to confront him about it. He told me he was avoiding "potential drama." To which I told him that I didn't want drama, just to be friends. I also told him that if he didn't want to be friends he just had to say so. So he did. He told me he just wanted to be acquaintances and say "hi" when we pass each other on campus. This, doesn't seem to be an issue though because I've only seen him once in the time after our breakup.

Despite all the douche-bag things he has done to me, I still wish we could be friends. I much rather would have had him tell me he didn't like me that way from the beginning. It would have saved him from having to breakup with me, and it would have saved me a heartbreak. It also would have kept our friendship, which had barely gotten a real chance, in tact. He told me when he dumped me that he felt like I should hate him. He told me he felt really bad about what he did. He felt. He kept saying "I feel" instead of thinking about how I would feel. This, I think was the big downfall. And still, I wish we could be friends because he was a nice guy until the end and I still don't hate him.

So, Nick, if you are reading this because it was linked on my Tumblr, just know that I don't hate you, and this is how I felt about the whole thing that happened between us. And sorry if I was a bitch on Tumblr and Twitter, but sometimes you were a douche and I got a bit angry. None the less, I really do wish we could still be friends. But I know it's not what you want, so I won't force it upon you.

RANT

I try to be the best person I can be.

This said, I know i can be mean sometimes, when provoked, and I know that sometimes when I am angry at people I let them know exactly what they did and/or write them into stories where they are shown as being exactly who they are, but in a more negative light. I know this isn't always the best thing, especially if I write it somewhere where they are likely to see it. But it's just the way I react to things.

For example: There was this guy I had a small crush on but I knew he didn't like me. This on its own is fine, I really don't care that much. But it all changed so very quickly. Friday night he was on Twitter complaining about how none of the girls he liked ever liked him back, and since he was on a tirade I decided to hint at the fact that maybe someone liked him. And then he commented asking me what I meant. I told him it was obvious. Then, while he was working on a response I decided to shoot him an actual text so it wouldn't be put all over Twitter.

But oh no, he says it right on Twitter, that he doesn't like me. I knew he didn't, it was no big deal. But then he goes on to add this to his tirade. I didn't want to be fuel for his pity party. So I just ignored his future Tweets. Over the weekend I continued to just get over it because it wasn't a real big deal.

Until tonight.

Tonight he and I saw each other for the first time since the awkward conversation. I acted completely normal. I said hello and continued conversations when he joined. But something was wrong...oh that's right, HE completely ignored ME. So now I am telling you all about it in an attempt to vent instead of just telling him exactly what I think about him.

And that concludes my rant.

Virgin!Roar! A Blogging Carnival

When I decided to write a blog for Virgin!Roar! I looked up the meaning for both words; virgin and feminism. This is what I found.

Feminism:–noun
1.
the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2.
( sometimes initial capital letter ) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3.
feminine character.

Virgin:–noun
1.
a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2.
an unmarried girl or woman.
3.
Ecclesiastical . an unmarried, religious woman, especially a saint.
4.
the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
5.
Informal . any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like: He's still a virgin as far as hard work is concerned.
6.
a female animal that has never copulated.
7.
an unfertilized insect.
8.
( initial capital letter ) Astronomy, Astrology . the constellation or sign of virgo.
–adjective
9.
being a virgin: a virgin martyr.
10.
of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a virgin: virgin modesty.
11.
pure; unsullied; undefiled: virgin snow.
12.
first: the senator's virgin speech.
13.
without admixture, alloy, or modification: virgin gold.
14.
not previously exploited, cultivated, tapped, or used: virgin timberlands; virgin wool.
15.
without experience of; not previously exposed to: a mind virgin to such sorrows.
16.
Informal . being a mixed drink resembling a specific cocktail but made without any alcoholic ingredient: a virgin piña colada.
17.
Zoology . not fertilized.
18.
(of a metal) made directly from ore by smelting, rather than from scrap.
19.
noting the oil obtained, as from olives, by the first pressing without the application of heat.


I am, in most definitions of the words, a feminist AND a virgin. I know, shocking that one would admit so openly to being a virgin, right?

WHAT??! Why is it so wrong to be a virgin? And why does it seem as though the terms virgin and feminist are mutually exclusive?

I believe women should have the same rights as men, but I don't believe this means women should be promiscuous. This is because society has it look like men are so promiscuous that if men and women are to be equal, they should be equally promiscuous. What the hell is that about?! I think men should keep their pants zipped as well! Women aren't the only ones who have the possibility of being virgins.

News flash: Men can be virgins too! It's called ABSTINENCE! Look it up!

Sure men and women both have sexual desires, but they shouldn't be penalized for holding out until marriage or even not participating in sexual activity at any time in their lives. I think these people should be applauded! Media is bombarding us with this pro-sex propaganda and if we have the bravery and courage to say "no thank you" than we should be able to live with just as much acceptance as those who partake in sexual acts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people who have sex are in the wrong here, but it's not right for them to tell us we should have sex if they admonish those who tell them not to have sex.

People should be able to live their lives in accordance to their own beliefs.

Charlie Sheen Bit my Finger

The above image has been deemed the "Charlie Sheen bit my Finger" look. It occurred to my cousin, Rick, who was over today that he could take "Charlie Bit my Finger" and make it about Charlie Sheen. It was exceedingly funny at the time, and I feel the picture will make me laugh for a long time.

Let's talk a little bit about the man of the hour, Charlie Sheen. As many people know, Charlie has been having some drug issues and saying the craziest things instead of owning up to it. He has been saying he isn't doing anything but winning, and the only drug he is on is "Charlie Sheen". Of course almost everyone else can see how insane he is. He talks about "winning" almost constantly, and it should be known that he is not fully comprehending the meaning of the word. I know that his sayings are pretty humorous, but I think we also need to take into consideration the fact that he needs our prayers. Clearly he isn't in a right state of mind, and if he continues this way he will die. This kind of thing is not meant for anyone and as Lent starts we need to remember all of those who are suffering.

On another note, I am now on Spring Break and will be in my home town until Sunday. If you want to see me just let me know.

British Period Films

This past weekend I discovered something about myself that I would like to discuss here and now.

I LOVE BRITISH PERIOD MOVIES (Jane Austen films, Bright Star, and the like). I don't know if it's because of the wonderful authors and books for which they are based, or if it's the clothing and style of that day and age, but these movies just make me so happy.

I've started wearing makeup in their style and buying patterned clothing like they would wear, and I'm just so happy about it. I don't know why this seems like such a big thing to me, but I wanted to share it with all of you.

Maybe it's because I've written poetry recently, or maybe it's the lovely weather outside that is making me act so strange. Nonetheless, I really enjoy it! I may go outside and read some more today because the atmosphere is just wonderful.

It also helps that my roommate and I were out apartment hunting yesterday and we saw these really awesome places with courtyards and they were so very lovely. There are no words to describe how much I freaked out with excitement at the sight of them.

My Weekend

It is Sunday and many of my friends won't be back on campus until tomorrow. They left on Friday and I stayed. In many ways this weekend has been extremely boring. In many other ways, this weekend has been very wonderful.

I got to sit outside and read/write. We've been having great weather and I've tried to make the most of it. I wrote something about how it would be great to be five again, in the sense that we were so brave and so much ourselves when we were five years old.

I watched my favorite movie, White Oleander as I continue to read the book on which it is based. I don't know why I love it so much, if it is the artist background the main characters have or if it is the thought that someone can feel safest when they were with the most dangerous person they'd ever known.

I think most of what I liked about being alone for most of the weekend is the fact that I got to just spend time doing what I liked. I like thinking I am getting to know myself in the time I am not surrounded by other people and their opinions.

Although I like being alone at times, I kind of get sick of being by myself. Hopefully my roommate will get back tonight instead of tomorrow.

Another One of those Writer's Block Blogs

Right now:
1. Across the Universe has just started playing on iTunes. (The Jim Sturgess version)
2. I have on a red hat my brother gave me a while ago and am wearing my pajamas.
3. I am trying to write something, but my mind is absolutely blank.

This is NEVER a good thing. If you know me at all, you know I can be very emotional when I can't put things on paper. Sometimes I get uber crabby, sometimes I sit and look like I'm going to cry, and sometimes I jump all over the place yelling at inanimate objects blaming them for my inability to write.

(The song just changed to Not With You by Tegan and Sara)

Sometimes I wonder if I was ever able to sit down and write something. Sometimes I think I imagined all those late nights when the words just came to me as if whispered secrets of old friends. But it must have happened, I have pages and pages of stories all around my room at home and my dorm room. I used to hand-write EVERYTHING. But ever since I got my laptop I have resorted to typing everything because I just don't have the room for all that paper, and editing on looseleaf is quite the undertaking. Also, I can make copies of typed works and not have to pay for it.

(Song is now Gypsy by Suzanne Vega)

On another note, you remember my favorite book? The one I mention ALL of the time? Well, they are officially making a movie of it. I am actually a bit excited to see how this will go. Emma Watson is going to be the main girl and I like her a lot, so hopefully all will end well.

Speaking of favorite things, I have a new favorite movie. It is called "White Oleander" and is about a girl who gets placed in a series of foster homes after the mom commits murder. It's kind of an arty movie despite the well-known actors who appear in it.

(Song: Kristy, Are You Doing Ok? by The Offspring)

The song transitions are put in here to let you see how long this is taking me to write. I hate that nothing is really coming to me today, and it hasn't in a while. I have a character sort of in my mind, but I need him to reveal himself further. I need to know what he wants me to tell. After all, I am just a slave to the characters who occupy my head. So, I will talk to him for a while and see how it all goes.

Good thing I don't Want to be a Physicist

Today I had a Physics test. I thought the professor would postpone it, seeing as it was supposed to be this past Thursday. But she reviewed for a little bit and then handed out the test. Needless to say, my mind went completely blank, just as it always does when I am taking a test. I left the classroom feeling like I'd bombed the whole thing, but as I trekked across campus I figured it really wasn't that big of a deal.

I wasn't made to be a physicist, that's just not how my mind works. As I'm sitting on my bed, waiting for my friends to come over to watch Glee I'm reminded that I am not a science-based thinker. And before you start thinking about the fact I'm going to be watching Glee, let me just tell you that I am not a fan...nor am I a hater. I am very indifferent to the show that people claim "you either love it or you hate it". Let me tell you why: I am able to see all of the reasons why people love the show, but I can also see why people hate the show. Sure, the music is pretty good and some of the plot is interesting, and sure the acting sucks and it doesn't really have a huge meaning behind it, but I couldn't really be on one side to save my life. There's too much of my mind looking at the background perspective of each side! That is how my mind works! I am really interested in finding out the why behind people's actions, not the how or the what. I like background information that can lead me to know why they did something. That is why I can never focus on things such as math or science. It is too cut and dry! I hate when things have a definitive answer because I like thinking about other ways things could turn out.

This is why it is a very good thing that I don't want to be a physicist or a mathematician.

Old Friends

I have some friends that I haven't seen in around six or so years and sometimes I get this pull at my heart when I see their Facebook updates. Such as today. They are going to visit their grandpa in the hospital and they know he's not going to make it much longer. I wish so hard that I could be with them during this tough time because I have been there with them through other tough times. I remember when that same grandpa had a heart attack probably ten years ago and I remember letting Mandy cry on my shoulder. She was always there for me when I needed her and now we've been apart so long it seems almost like another lifetime.
My prayers are with them and I'm sending all of my love, but sometimes I wish I could do more.
Just like I wish I could do more for Sofia. I was informed earlier this morning that something is going on with her treatment fund and she might be leaving earlier than she needs. I don't have all the information yet, but from what I've heard, there will probably be more fund-raising needed. So keep looking here for more information because I would put it here first!
Keep praying for everyone mentioned above. And old friends of yours too.

Snowy Second Semester

As in many places this past week, there has been snow here. This picture was taken last week when my campus experience a brief amount of snow, but there is a considerably larger amount on the ground now.I have somewhat mixed feelings about this sort of precipitation. Yeah, I know what you're all thinking "you have mixed feelings about almost everything." I suppose you are correct, but I can't help but look at both sides of a situation.

Why I like snow:
There are many reasons why I like snow and the first one I will give you is that it looks so awesome. I mean you have those awesome flakes and the ground is all white and nice looking. Another reason I like snow is, of course, the fact that classes are canceled. True, only one of my classes was canceled, but that meant I was done at nine instead of four. Big difference. I also really like what snow does to people. It brings out a person's true self. Don't believe me? Think of it like this: if you ask someone how they feel about snow they will either say "I LOVE snow" or "It makes everything a hassle." See, they are either optimistic or pessimistic and that's probably how they are about everything.

Why I hate snow:
I am exceedingly clumsy and walking places in the snow causes me to trip more than usual. It is so cold outside I don't want to go anywhere. When you walk to class the bottoms of my pants' legs gets soaked and it feels gross when I take my shoes off. There's always a chance someone will want to play in the snow and that never seemed like a lot of fun to me.

I guess you can say there are more reasons, and better reasons, why I like snow. So I just tell people I like snow because it's not really a lie.

Since my last post I have started second semester and I am really enjoying it. On Mondays and Fridays I only have one class and it makes the weekend that much better. On Tuesdays I have three classes, but two of them are English courses so I don't mind too much. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I have two classes and Thursdays are the worst because I have my Physics lab. It's not that it's very difficult, but it is so boring.

My Introduction to Literature is my favorite class out of them all because we just read and talk about what we've read. Right now we're reading short stories and it even inspired me to write one of my own. My professor even read it and told me it was pretty good, she also gave me some tips to improve it. I can't wait to see how awesome this class can get.

Well, I hope you all have a great weekend and be careful in the snow.

My Guardian Angel (or how I view my sister Lily)

There's something, rather someone I've been thinking a lot about recently. I feel her with me constantly, but sometimes I forget to smile and thank her. Because I feel I should thank her.Without her, I wouldn't be here.

But I've never really met her.

No one has.

But because of her I am here today...and sometimes I feel guilty for something I had no control over. Because if she were here...I wouldn't be.

My guardian angel. My almost. My sister, Lily, who was never born.

I got to name her when I was old enough to know about her. I thought long and hard about who I'd want my sister to be and what defines a person more than their name?

I never really discuss this with anyone because I sometimes feel like bringing her up will make me sound crazy. That telling someone I'd been thinking about my sister who was never born will make me seem unstable. But not right now.

Right now I feel like I know who I am because I know her better than anyone else. I feel like I was born with both of our personalities sometimes. That I feel things more deeply because she is always with me.

On some days this knowledge is empowering, just like it is now. But sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if Lily lived and I hadn't existed. I picture her being like me, but somehow more. Somehow she would be everything I strive for. And she is. I strive to be like her everyday because I'm living in her space. Since I get to live, I want to do it right. For Lily.

I'm not writing this for her benefit, because I secretly tell her everyday how thankful I am for having her in my life. I'm writing this for me because sometimes I forget, as we all do sometime, how lucky I am.

My big sister is always looking out for me in a way not very many big sisters can. And I love her for it.

Thanks Lil. For everything.