I'm Sort of Scared for this

After looking at this picture one might think "Wow, this is one large family." Just like my roommate did when I showed it to her. The feeling I get after looking at this picture is utter terror.

There is reason for this.

You see, in May my sister will be getting married. Yes, that means some of the people pictured will be there too. What you don't see in this picture; however, is the people who weren't able to make it to the reception. Now this may shock some of you, but that is only approximately half of that side of my family. Moreover, the other side of my family is the same size...and GROWING.

Look at that picture, put that picture next to that picture, and put another next to that. This will give you an approximation of the size of my family.

Then there is the groom. It doesn't even matter how many people he has in his family, adding more to what is there already is a frightening amount of people. Not only that, but both of them have friends!

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I'm positive it's okay to be scared for this situation.

Just thought I'd share that scary fact with you.

The Ending of a Semester and Feeling Infinite

Remember when we were infinite?

I know I talk a lot about being or feeling infinite, but I truly can't help it. Not when I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I have to admit, I truly can't get enough of this book and if I could only read one book for the rest of my life...it would be this one. I started reading it again Monday night and I've been reading it as a filter, not a sponge, which is something the main character is told to do with one of the books he reads. I see myself as Charlie.
I have always seen myself as Charlie.
No matter how many times I read this book, I always come to the conclusion that I relate most to Charlie, the main character. His thoughts reflect many of my own and even when he goes off on random little thought progressions, I find I think the same way. The character is just a quiet listener and tries not to get in the middle of things. But I also find that I want to be more than just a pair of ears and a shoulder to cry on. Because, as Sam states in the novel, people need arms too. You can only do so much without arms, but arms are needed for taking charge and holding on. And mouths are necessary too. Without a mouth people won't be able to tell others when they do or don't need something. Having only ears can lead to having very one-sided relationships which aren't very helpful to anyone.
So you may be asking yourself, how does this relate to the end of a semester? Let me tell you. My first semester is almost over, I had my last day of actual classes today, and now I feel like I need to soak everything up, feel infinite one more time before the semester is over. I need to be able to speak with my peers and with my family when I see them, and even with friends that I haven't seen in a while. What more could you want to talk about than when you felt infinite. When you had a moment, or series of moments when you felt there was nothing outside of the realm of possibility. When you felt you were ready to face whatever came your way. Also, it makes taking exams and giving presentations a whole lot easier.
For those of you who haven't read this book, I highly suggest it because it will change your life, whether you read it once, or five times.

Mirror Song

Okay, as I started thinking about growing up and growing into myself last week when I posted the picture, I started to think about how I began to see myself. I remembered how John Green wrote in his novel Paper Towns that we should see people through windows, not mirrors. That others shouldn't be seen in the way we want to see them by reflections of ourselves, but as we see them, we should be getting a glimpse of who they are through a window.
That made me wonder, how should we see ourselves then? I supposed we should see ourselves through mirrors. We should look at other things and be able to pick up the things that reflect pieces of us in order to discover who really are. So that's how I began to see myself. When I watch a movie, or hear someone give a presentation I try to pick up on little things that make me smirk, or smile, or shake my head. Because those little things help me distinguish who I am.
For example, today in my Introduction to Campus Life course a guy gave a presentation on cheerleaders. The first thing he said was "my brother's a cheerleader and they're not...what you might think". My reaction to this was disgust. Okay, so I don't have a big problem with guy cheerleaders at all, but when the first thing you talk about is how guy cheerleaders aren't gay, and you can't even say the word "gay", I'm starting to think you don't quite believe this yourself. Also, why should this be such a big deal? Who cares about the sexual orientation of male cheerleaders? Then this guy has the gall to say "my brother took me to dinner with all the cheerleaders and they are some pretty hot chicks". I couldn't keep the disgust off of my face, some people in the room were laughing, but I was deeply appalled. This guy was horrible. He continued to talk about what cheerleaders do and made sure to say multiple times that the girls were "really hot chicks". When the presentation was over I didn't really feel like clapping. This was due to the fact I found his presentation to be extremely misogynistic. And this reaction helped me see that I am really against misogynistic pigs. To be honest, I knew that already, but it gave me solid proof.
To be honest, I've never really been a fan of cheerleaders either. Don't get me wrong, there are SOME exceptions, but for the most part I find them to be girls who are too consumed in beauty and little flips to notice anything bigger than a football game or what's new in those celebrity gossip magazines. I also see them to be really fake people. Some of them are actually smart girls who dumb themselves down to get attention. This is just not something I think women should be doing, especially after all the work our foremothers did to get equality for us in today's society. It is simply backwards.
So, yes, I did go on a little rant there, but the truth is, I'm glad I can see who I am through other people's actions and my reactions because the more I know about what I believe, the stronger my convictions become.